Pessimistically Optimistic

Pessimistically optimistic can define the way my brain operates at random moments throughout this short lifetime. I hope one day, I will be able to answer my questions with answers and not fall into blindness with a lack of response....

Moving into my first blog, I would like to start out with who I am. Briefly, I will explain me and little facts which pertain to my life. I would like you to know me for me, without any generalization, I can only give you my perceived side of myself.

I am 24 years old and very much of what I would consider, average. Now, I will not state one to be "Normal" because we have all heard that cliche multiple times, and realistically, what defines a person to be normal? Maybe this topic can be a topic of choice down the road, but for now I will keep it at that.

I grew up in Eau Claire, Wisconsin (Supposedly French for Clear Water) Eau Claire is a mid sized city about one hour East of Minneapolis. I grew up with a step father influence and a hard working, collegiate mother who never stopped supporting her four children for a minute to exercise and identify her own personal desires.

Throughout this short life, I have always been the attention seeking, hyperactive young boy always on the lookout for the next excitement to entertain my ever wandering imagination. Only until recently have I decided that I feed off the energy from others to continue growing prosperously in the general direction of "goodness" Loneliness is my biggest fear and destroys me from inner existence.

Through much of my young adulthood, I remember myself through a foggy, almost sandblasted piece of glass. Middle school was my first opportunity to express myself in a way of self identification. I did this by modifying my wardrobe, exercising my vulgar language skills and rebelling against the status quo, much like any other 13 year old. Besides a short hiatus living with my father, I never left home until three weeks after high school graduation. Because of this, I had never experienced the pain of removing myself from a routine like life.

Following a painfully agonizing last year of high school filled with substance consumption, alcohol banquets and night school, I decided to give it all up for the U.S. Army. The U.S. Army would teach me to be a man, give me a skill and send me to college, FOR FREE! haha gotcha...

I decided on being a "Multichannel Transmissions Systems Operator AND Maintainer". Without jargon, I would be operating antennas and turning machines on which transmit signals. Who would have know you could join the Army and do something other than shoot guns and sleep in tents for 4 years? So, I chose to join, begging my mother to "release" my soul to the recruiter... After a 3 hour meeting of bribery and false assumptions, my mother agreed, allowing me to go to basic training.

***********THE MOST PAINFUL DAY IN SHANES YOUNG LIFE************

Three weeks after graduating from high school, celebrating a massive graduation party and crying endless hours with my then-girlfriend, I shipped out to Ft. Benning, Georgia to start the process of "transforming myself from a civilian to a soldier" Three months, ten million push ups, 100 marched miles, 1 grenade, 5,000 rounds, 25 Meals-Ready-to-Eat and ten gallons of tears later I had completed basic training and was now a United Stated Army Soldier. I was proud of my accomplishments, as I had never completed something with such pride and enthusiasm as I did "boot camp".

After a short two day interjection with my mother, step dad, and then-girlfriend, I had to move on. I was off to U.S. Army Signal school to learn how to put a helmet on and crank an antenna up to full mast. The valuable signal flow skills I learned in training afforded me the self determination to compete in any educational challenge I set myself up for. As much as I love to be facetious, this is not one of those times and from now facetiousness will be marked with a (*) I really did discover a new side of intellect, just never chose to implement it.

My first station of duty sent me over the big puddle for the first time.. They sent me to Wiesbaden, Germany to become a "Soldier of one"* to be "All I can be"* The first year in Germany flew by, involving events such as meeting lifelong best friends including my future wife, drowning myself behind many of Germany's famous bier's, conducting numerous field exercises and preparing for deployment to a hostile country. All in all, it was an interesting action packed year which will be remembered(and many other nights not) for the remainder of my lifetime.

Coming soon following this post will be the:


******THE SECOND MOST PAINFUL DAY IN SHANES YOUNG LIFE******